Jess - tell me what you think of this. I need something to the point and stingy to post on my blog. I don't want to defend my choice to go, that's already been made. However, I don't feel the judgements I've been getting are justified. I know i can never please everyone, but maybe I can shed new light on what it means to be a young mom. You wouldn't believe some of the things people have said to me - I chalk it up as the devil really doesn't want me going, and is going to try hard to get me to stay and I'm not staying!
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Recently, my husband & I have decided to go to Burkina Faso, Africa on a missions trip with our church in September. It wasn't an easy decision to make and it most certainly wasn't made in haste. I'm not expecting some religious lightening bolt kind of experience when I get there, but I am expecting change. I didn't expect as much opposition as I've already faced within the past month or so, having discussed the trip with friends and family.
I don't feel the need to defend my choice to go as much as I need to speak up about being a mom and how so often a mother's identity is completely lost during the early stages of motherhood. Once a mother always a mother, but how crucial are these early years when your children rely on you for just about every need! I understand this completely. Why is it that so many women lose their identity when they become a mom? How many countless facebook profiles and picture albums are all pictures of a person's kids? I'm proud of my kids, too, but my identity isn't totally in being their mom. How many moms go through depressions and lose all their friends once their kids go to college or move on after high school?
I'm not saying I'll be glad to see my children go, but I'm going to be happy and celebrate that new part of their life with them, having complete confidence that my husband & I raised children who will be an asset to the Lord & a light to the world. I'm not discounting the importance of being present when your kids are young, or pre-teen, teen, or adult for that matter. I am a stay-at-home-mom after all, obviously being physically present with my children is extremely important to my husband & I.
Being a mother defines who I am as much as your job defines who you are. If I pour my every waking moment into being Ella, Brennan, and Connor's mom with no thought of anything outside of that 'title' what do I have left when they are grown & don't need to rely on mom to change their diapers, discipline, help them with school work, live the junior high & high school drama out, pick a college, plan a wedding, birth a baby? Of course I will be proud of my kids as they get older (heck, I'm pretty proud of them at 4, 2, and 1); I will also be proud to hopefully be running a successful cake business, I'll be the proud wife of Jacob, and most importantly I'll be proud to be Christ's disciple.
As a young Christian mom it's hard to keep my priorities in line. First, I'm a child of God, second I'm a wife, and thirdly I'm a mother. No, a missions trip is not a bad idea or a dishonor to God. However, if I went on this missions trip without the support of my husband or having planned for the proper care for my kids then YES, it would be dishonoring to God. I will miss my kids, but I will not be so distraught as to not being able to function on the mission field. My kids will probably miss me, but they will have so much fun with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. We will both appreciate each other a little more when Jacob & I get back. As I'm sure I'll be much more appreciative of just about everything I've been blessed with.
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Aren't you just going to be gone about 2 weeks? Haven't you taken vacations away from your kids almost that long?
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I think what you wrote is beautiful. It sounds like some of these highly critical people in your life are "Christian" people who need to take a chill pill. I think you might want to mention something about the calling of God for this trip. It's not just a good idea or something you need to get out of your system. You aren't doing it because you need to add more into your life. You are doing this because God gave you clear instruction to do this. You have been called...and you are answering that call. How can a Christian argue with that? J/K But really, if you know that God has told you to do something and you don't, then you are in direct disobedience to that instruction. Man makes his plan, but God directs his paths. Is God the director of your life? If He is, then you have nothing to fear in regards to your kids, your home and your lives (safety). Trusting Him is the best and only thing you can really do.
Proverbs 31:20 (She opens hers arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.)
Is this not what you are going to do in Burkina Faso? That is what a Proverbs 31 woman would do.
And in your response to the non-Christians I would definitely want them to know that this is part of the fulfillment of your life. It will make you a better mother because you will have seen more and done more. You will be a more well-rounded woman. You can encourage your kids to do more because you have.
Okay, I think that's enough ranting. Let me know if these thoughts were helpful.
Thanks for your input.
ReplyDeleteThe whole point I wanted to make was not so focused on the actual mission trip itself, but from this whole identity crisis of a mom that is running rampant.
So I ran with your advice, did lots of editing and just posted it live! Guessing I'll have a few unhappy/unsupportive readers in the next few days and I've decided to be okay with that. so often lately, I feel like I blog for an audience, but really I have an audience of ONE and I need to refocus that now more then ever! Thanks for your support, really it means a lot and the whole catchy phrase of 'coveting your prayers' - I totally covet yours :) Hoping you are feeling better gallbladderless!