What Really Matters

Some days my thoughts of what really matters might sound something like this:

What really matters:
* did the poop leak out the back or front?
* if my kids washed their hands after collecting gold, aka bunny poop, from the back yard.
* Did I brush Ella's hair & make sure it didn't look like a rat built a nest over night?
* Did each of the kids get enough fruits, veggies, proteins, and carbs for the day? Early Easter candy can be considered a carb right?! How much should that vitamin account for?!
* Have I taken time to go to the bathroom yet? Can I safely sneeze or cough?
* Love is patient, love is kind .... even when your kids are not patient and are definitely not kind. (A mother's edition to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

On days like today, I realize what really matters isn't if the poop leaked through their clothes and onto the bed sheets, (which are a pain in my butt to change, especially crib sheets). Or if Ella matches or has brushed and fixed her hair. Or if the candy is brushed out of their teeth. Or if the neighbors can hear Bren playing/screaming/singing. What matters is that I'm enjoying every moment of being with my kids & loving them., that I'm showing them Jesus through me. That might seem a tad over dramatic, and I'm well aware it definitely is. Going in for a check up and coming home to schedule a sitter so I can have an ultrasound and mammogram done on a lump, that is not consistent with a fibrosistic change nor a cyst, has stopped be dead in my rushed, impatient tracks & made for a few overly dramatic, pity party moments today. I won't know anything until April 23rd when I meet with a specialist, a breast cancer specialist, who will read the results of my tests.
I thought I'd be prepared for moments like these. I've memorized verses like Proverbs 3:5-6 (Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding), but have I ever needed them in a situation beyond falling down the stairs, or just being sick? No, not really. Have I ever clung to Isaiah 41:10 (So do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.) No, not really. I'd like to think once I get the results from my tests, things will be easier to deal with. I'm sure this is just another greener grass on the other side thought. Not knowing what's going on sends my anxiety and stress levels through the rough. I know worrying isn't helping anything, but it doesn't stop the endless attack or words like cancer, radiation, chemo, ... death. When moments like these start, I'm going to strive to do as 1 Peter 5:7 instructs and, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." I'm going to enjoy listening to Bren sing in his shakey singing voice & not shush him every time he reaches unbearably high octaves, I'm not going to sweat the tantrums and sassiness Ella pulls, I'm going to gladly change Connor's poopy blow out diapers knowing what an honor it is to be their mom. It's in God's hands completely, but that doesn't make it an easy situation to be living in. So thankful for the Bible and the immeasurable amount of encouragement and wisdom found in it & for supportive & praying family and friends. It's going to be a long few weeks! Even if this turns out to be a benign thing, my time is still limited and maybe I need to start focusing on what really matters and live like I'm on borrowed time.